Bringing It All Together

Back to blogging. After almost 3 month now, I finally had the chance to get my thoughts back for blogging. Ideas never vanished but it’s life obligations that pushes me away from the blogging enjoy.

So I’m in Cameroon now. 5 years away from Africa and here I am back again.

Nothing changed and nothing will be changed. This continent same same, year after year.

Well it’s not that bad though, but still the poorness will prevent this content from moving forward. It is not that Africa is poor, it’s poorly managed. That’s it.

I still want to share the Cameroonian arrival experience, too much excited to blog about it, but I couldn’t stop myself from sharing this thought (the people judgment) as recently I started to notice this more and more.

Not sure exactly it’s just that this situation I’m in for now is pushing me to look into it and overthink about that little  human brain that is hardwired to be judged and to judge. This survival mechanism makes it very hard to meet someone, in particular in the new organization that I just recently joined, without evaluating and interpreting my behavior.

I am tending to think that judgment should be based on the content of conversations and other obvious behaviors, for me I believe though and not otherwise. In fact, most judgments are focused on smaller, subtler things, such as handshakes and body language.

Judging personality should be based on small things such as extroversion or maybe the introversion, emotional, agreeableness and openness, simply by looking at pictures of the shoes they wore. Not to forget if socks are matching :) .

This behavior have likely become an integral part of who I am. Even if I don’t spend much time thinking about it, now is a good time to start, because this could be sabotaging my career.

Watching myself on how I treat staff is so indicative of my makeup that it has become a common tactic. By gauging how I interact with staff on my way in and out of the office, viewers get a sense for how I treat people in general. Most people act the part when they’re speaking to manager or other “important” people, but some will pull a Jekyll and Hyde act the moment they walk out the door, treating others with disdain or indifference. Business meetings are another place this comes to light. No matter how nice I am to the people I’m have meeting with, it’s all for naught if those people witness my behaving badly toward others.

Not only that, for me there’s nothing more frustrating than pulling out phone mid of the meeting conversation. Doing so conveys a lack of respect, attention, listening skills, and willpower. Unless it’s an emergency, please keep your phone holstered.

The bad thing about noticing myself is when I started to notice my behavior of touching my nails or face or picking at my skin during a conversation and this indicates that I AM nervous, overwhelmed, and not in control.

Can I stop this, hmmm, think I need time to adopt myself.

While adopting this, I have to say that I have a strong eye contact which I believe it could be a balance.  With importance I maintain eye contact, sometimes I intentionally get it into aggressive and creepy mode.. At the same time, I only maintain eye contact for a small portion of the conversation, getting to come across as disinterested, shy, or embarrassed. Kinda of creepy to say that though.

Other way around, I would ask the reader: Have you ever had a conversation with someone where they talked just to talk and they talk loud just to be noticed?. I can prove the fact that people who only talks tend to be loud, self-absorbed “takers.” People who only ask questions and share little are usually QUITE. I’m not enjoying the give-and-take and I’m not enjoying the good conversations anymore. It’s just like bavarde (excuse the French).

Now when it comes to body language, I admit I have a weak handshake with a some lack of confidence . So let’s put it that way, it’s overall lackadaisical attitude. But I’m working on it.

Now from all this what I hate the most is showing up late. Gosh, I hate it. This leads me to think that the visitor, or whoever requested a meeting or coming to visit me, lack respect and tend to procrastinate, as well as being lazy or disinterested. And recently they are many.

I make assumptions too much assumptions and I don’t ask what’s behind it. Am I wrong? Don’t know if I should stop this!